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Jokes You Should Never Make To A Man
Yeah she shouldn't have talked about my mama...but that triple homicide may not have been the best response. Damn shame what they did to that dog.
Here’s a theory I’d like to posit for everybody to stew on:
When men take shots, people laugh and women say “I’ll get you back later!”; when women take shots, awkward silences ensue and it is highly likely that somebody might have to die.
Think about that for a minute.
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See, it’s not that women who take shots are truly trying to hurt the men they’re dealing with. Actually, that’s not true at all. The women taking shots are usually going for the jugular because a man made a joke at her expense and everybody laughed. He says, “your cooking tasted like cardboard” people laughed and she got in her feelings and then she says, “well at least my mother wasn’t a whore. Like a real one too y’all. This ho determined how many new shoes they’d get for school based on how many blow jobs she’d given. What? Why you lookin at me like that. You know it’s true. Oh, you can’t take a joke when its directed at you? Double standard, hypocritical little d*cked b*tch!”
Yeah, it goes something like that.
It’s not that women aren’t good people. Obviously women are it’s just that men tend to keep jokes at that level. Even if we don’t love our women’s food, we’re still going to eat it because 1) we need to eat to live; and 2) good or bad cook, this is the woman we’re hitching our horse too. Women view certain jokes as an affront to their personage and then attempt to regain leverage…
…by blowing up the entire house. Everything goes from a 2 to a 10 when women decide to enter the Wu-Tang…or fray.
The fact that women always seem to make the biggest public spectacle of their bombshell jokes doesn’t help.
Which means that somebody might have to die. Maybe it’s because when men make jokes nobody takes us serious, but women ALWAYS sound serious when levying a joke that sounds more like a factual allegation. Or just going straight for a man’s most insecure space. Woe is us ladies. Such as?
Well here is a list of jokes that you shouldn’t make to a man lest you want somebody to possibly end up dead.
1. Tiny wang
Not sure why a woman in a relationship would call out her man in public about his wang length, “jokingly” but that’s a definite go to. And we all know how much false pride us menfolks tie to our wangs. Plus a man who’s been accused of having a wee wang is immediately in defend himself mode which means one of three things will happen: 1) he’ll whip it out on the table and say, “see, measure me b*tch”; 2) he’ll say something wildly inappropriate like, “well you weren’t saying that last night while you were choking on it” or “call your girl Trudy, she’ll vouch for me…remember?”; or 3) he’ll get irate, turn over a table and say “f*ck you b*tch” which will then require you to get upset and next thing you know a hockey game breaks out. This has no upside.
2. That he’s broke
Another surefire go to. Women like to hit where it hurts. He knows he’s broke. You couldn’t say that his tie selection was wacksauce? Nope. You said that he’s broke and outline things he can’t afford that you’d want. And of course you mention the tiny things like that KitchenAid mixer…not that $1K Tiffany’s bracelet that you really want. Oh wait, you’re saying that KitchenAid sh*t costs long dough. Oh wait you’re saying that women never ask for cheap sh*t. Well shut my mouth wide open.
3. His mama
This one should be fair game except women notoriously suck at the dozens. Women don’t make innocuous jokes, women say sh*t like, “well that’s why your mama can’t pay her bills and I’ve been paying them sh*ts for two months. Boom kat. What? Why are you looking at me like that? That’s funny, right…*looking towards audience at fully packed Tyler Perry play*? ” Double whammy.
4. Smanging his homeboy
See…as far as we know, women are loyal and tend to not rock the boat if they can help it. So when you jokingly tell us that you smashed the homie, well…it doesn’t sound like a joke. And now we have to go to our boy prepared to murder him. And who wants to do that? Plus with all of the paperwork…the admin work is just a nightmare by itself. No matter how many times you say, “Baby, I’m just playing” you’ve already planted that seed because well, who the f*ck makes a joke like that? Again…women go too f*cking far.
5. That he isn’t a real man
This one is probably the murkiest on this list, but women have a certain way of jokingly emasculating a dude. Of course if he’s got on an apron making cupcakes he’s fair game. However, re-visit the scene from Crash where Thandie Newton got felt up by the cop and Terrance Howard just watched. Let’s say 2 years later you all have moved on, but some random instance occurs and you say to your man, “well your b*tch ass did let me get felt up by a cop because you weren’t man enough to step to him! But you’re the man I chose to love. My mama told me about you. Oh well. Let’s go to Target.” Don’t be mad if your man kills a cop later that day on your behalf. I’m just saying.
So there’s the man list. What say you all? Make sense? What are other things you shouldn’t joke with a man about?